Author Journal

One year ago today seems like not so long ago. I re-live those days in the hospital I can still hear your voice in my head. Help me. I was so helpless, it was out of my hands. I prayed so hard and so selfishly to try to deny you a final resting place for a little longer. I prayed for you to be okay and no matter how hard I prayed I failed to see the situation was out of my control. I now know I should have trusted in God knowing he had other plans for you and the reward was no more suffering no more pain and a place in heaven to rest in peace. It took the whole year of searching and praying and trying to make sense of what had happened. I have been blessed with a daily task that finds me travelling by the Cathedral of Faith and as I pass by I pray for those you left behind and then I continue my journey passed St. Christopher's Church and again I say a prayer this time for you and all that have passed that you are all at peace now. I miss you terribly and think of you often and my solace comes in knowing you are in a better place. I feel your strength watching over me everyday and helping me through these difficult times with Mom. It's been a long year of battling with her lack of will to go on as she misses you and the broken heart has taken its toll on her health. I am coming to the realization that one day soon you two will be reunited again and that day will bring the smile back to her face, I won't be able to see it, but you will and it's for you she smiles. Rest in peace. Forever in my heart.

Thinking back on my childhood, I was very fortunate, I not only had A dad, I had two! Both were very different men, when I was very young, you were Pop and he was Daddy. Being bounced from house to house, as a young child I did not understand, now I feel I was truly blessed with two sets of parents. As a child I was hard to handle with my rebellious sassy ways (a real turkeybird), but I think it was my own way of acting out, my strongest defense against the circumstance I was dealt. I think you understand that now or atleast we both agreed that forgiveness has been divine. Forgiveness allowed life to go on.
As the years passed you became my biggest fan, my confidant and supporter and best of all my friend. When I started my own family, the grandkids knew my Pop was always "Grandpa" and my Daddy is "Opa". You both were gracious gentleman where the grandkids were concerned, always coming together to celebrate birthdays and holidays with me and the kids. Never an unkind word between you, no hate, jealousy or envy. Traits I admire in you both. The most important gift you ever gave me was that I knew I was loved and felt the sense that I belonged. You will forever be in my heart. I pray you are with the Angels now, at peace, watching over us. Love You.