In Memory Of Awele Josie Udeh

‘Odagbulu Ezi, Onogolu Inyinya’, Mrs. Awele Josie Udeh

--A tribute to a lovely Sister-in-law--

Life is not how long we live, but how well we live, what we contributed to life, the value we brought to the essence of living, and the totality of our deeds during our sojourn in this world.  For Mrs Awele Josie Udeh, my sister-in-law, hers is an embodiment of a good and worthwhile life----a life that impacted lives of others such that in death she’s greatly missed.

My strongest memory of my sister-in-law, Auntie Joe, was when she waded into a minor but usual mundane family feud that centered around a disagreement over ‘taking bath’ pitching me on one side against my Mom and sisters on the other.  At six, the idea of taking shower especially after rummaging through the dust of the Railway Quarters, Bundu-Port Harcourt did not make much sense to me until the intervention of this beautiful young teenager who walked in with my older brother, Nick.  As she pulled me aside, whispered softly the need to shower, and offered me a few pennies, compliance became instant and constant.

From the very early intervention, Auntie Joe had remained a gift bestowed upon the Udeh family as she dished out care, compassion, devotion, goodwill, kindness, love, and understanding, touching each of us in very special and unique ways.  During my secondary school days, a visit from Auntie Joe, which was often, was a sure source of newly minted crispy Naira notes enough to dwarf whatever was given prior.  Shortly before handing over the money she would, in her ‘Ibusa laced dialect’, reiterate to me the need to stay focused in my studies noting that my brother (her husband) was counting on me to come out with grade one as he did.

On completion of secondary school, Auntie Joe visited Nigeria with a super surprise Christmas treat for me.  As we were packing for what supposed to be her flight from Lagos to Enugu, Auntie Joe announced to me that I should pack my bag too.  Initially I did not comprehend what she meant so I reminded her that I would be going to buy my Ekene-Dili-Chukwu ticket. She quickly clarified that she had already bought a flight ticket for me to fly along to Enugu.  Whoa! This lovely lady just made it possible for me to fly when such a feat was left to mere dreams and imagination.

A few years later on my way to USA, I passed through Auntie Joe’s constantly open and welcoming home in London.  What a hostess she was.  She mesmerized me, starting with a sumptuous lunch at McDonalds before a shopping spree at Mark & Spencer.  During our conversation she discovered that my cooking was nothing to write home about.  She was concerned and wondered how I would survive without cooking skills.  To ameliorate the situation she arranged a crash cooking course which, I must say, helped sustained my sojourn.  As I was departing she promised to be at my graduation.  Just as she promised a couple of years later she was there at the University of Texas, Arlington during my undergraduate graduation.  I was elated. It was fun.  We used the opportunity to visit the settings of Auntie Joe’s favorite TV show, Dallas.  She cherished the ground JR and other stars of the show walked.

Auntie Joe’s listening ears and understanding knew no bound.  In one of our numerous conversations I found myself commending her for all she had done for me and my family. She listened attentively and responded that she did not think she did anything extra ordinary.  She said that she did what she was supposed to do.  In another light hearted moment while she was advising on the need for me to settle down with a wife after I had expressed the difficulty in settling for miss right.  She insisted that I must move past the difficulties and settle down.  She said that the choice of wife and/or husband is divine.  Jokingly she chimed that wives like her were no longer on the shelf.  Obviously, she was right.

As soon as I made the choice, Auntie Joe was handy in making sure everything worked out smoothly.  First of all she insisted that my wife come to London to complete her required medical internship providing opportunity to spend months with her and opportunity to provide the signature Auntie Joe’s touch of love and affection to the newest member of the family.  During the stay, Auntie Joe played key role in the preparation of our wedding in Nigeria.  She planned as she advised from the simple to the complex, the recipe of what made the wedding a grand success.

Now you know why I loved this dear lovely lady who was a part of my family for over 45 years.  You knew her as my sister-in-law, I knew her as my mother, a big sister, and a wonderful and trusted friend. We are bound together by our love for her husband who is also my brother, and the overwhelming devotion to our Udeh family.  Today, there is a void. There is an emptiness inevitably created by her sudden departure.  Even though it is not going to be the same without Auntie Joe, we must be consoled by the fact that we can and must collectively continue her legacy of caring, compassion, devotion, and love.  The love affair that Auntie Joe championed that unified the families of Onwuachi of Ibusa, Delta State, and Udeh of Egede, Enugu State must continue.  The statement credited to our mother that ‘Nwanyi Asaba (meaning Ibusa)’, Awele is, indeed, a blessing to Udeh family endures.  Death cannot and must not alter the blessing of the Almighty.  ‘Odagbulu Ezi, Onogolu Inyinya’, Mrs. Awele Josie Udeh, my lovely Auntie Joe lives.  Jee nke oma!

Dr.  Ezejiofo Sunny Patrick Udeh writes with sadness from New York City