This website is dedicated to the memory of my sweet mother, Billie Jo Abernathy who lived her life as a testament to her Christian faith. I have never doubted God’s love for me because He gave me the Honor of being her daughter. My mother had a spiritual strength and wisdom that cannot be put into words. She a had a peaceful, loving nature, very few times did I ever see her angry. She was a comfort and a joy to everyone who knew her. Her memory will be cherished forever.
My mother and father would have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary in February of this year (2011).
My mother was a little girl during the depression and as the youngest of six children she knew what is was like to do without. During my childhood, my mother worked full time at Pizitz Department Store in downtown Birmingham because she wanted her children to have a better life. Still, she managed to be a full time mother to her two girls. I know her work was hard and she was tired but she always had time to read and play with us. She spent so much time with us and took us everywhere, swimming, the amusement park, the zoo, the movies, the beach and to church and Sunday School every Sunday. She loved to spoil us and later her grandchildren. It was important to her just to enjoy us and she did. So much.
People were naturally drawn to my mother because of her kind and compassionate nature. When my son was little he said that his Nanny was as popular as a movie star. It was true that everywhere she went she would see many friends who would stop and talk to her. Every year on her birthday, she would get a huge stack of cards from her many friends. She was a very energetic and active person in our community, always doing for others. She loved people and always had time for them.
When I became an adult my mother would worry about me, if the weather was bad she would not rest until she had spoken to me on the phone and made sure that I was safe at home. She was the one person who I trusted for advice in any situation. Her advice and approval was very important to me. If mama said it was okay, then it was. She was my anchor in stormy weather and when there was good news, my joy wasn't complete until I had shared it with her.
My mother hated arguments and she loved to laugh. She could light up the darkest corner on earth with her kind heart and sweet smile. She blessed our family and filled our lives with laughter and joy and continued to do so until her last day on earth. Every time I saw her, her face lit up with her beautiful smile. She aged with grace and dignity. She was such a caregiver and never wanted to impose on anyone.
My mother lived a beautiful life and sadly it ended in an avoidable tragedy. It is my hope to bring awareness to others of the dangers and warning signs that I missed.
In October of 2009, my mother’s health began to fail and she was hospitalized and diagnosed with diabetes. We wanted her to get the best care and my sister began taking her to a geriatric specialist. This doctor was very resourceful but my mother went along with her medical recommendation only to an extent just to please us. Looking back I can see that her indifference may have been associated with the cognitive aspects of her illness, there were other signs, difficulty concentrating, unexplained mobility problems and apathy. These concerns were attributed to the diabetes and I held on to the hope that her medication would make her feel better. She had bad days and better days, but in my heart I knew that my mother was slipping away from me and that every moment with her was a treasure. I spent as much time as I could with her and made sure that she knew how much I loved her and how special she was. This precious time was much too short but I am so glad that I had it.
On August 26, 2010 she drove my dad to the VA hospital for a doctor's appointment. I had offered to take him myself but it kept getting put off and then I had to go back to my teaching job. I should have been more insistent. But my mother was an excellent driver and she had her cell phone with her.
It was about a 20 minute drive to the downtown area, mother had lived in the area all her life and driven the same route hundreds of times. I picked my dad up on the way home from work as planned. I was anxious driving dad home because mother wasn't answering her phone . I will never forget pulling in the driveway and her car not being there. She had not made it home.
It was one of those moments suspended in time when you know your life will never be the same again. Nothing seemed real after that, not at the time and not thinking back on it now. I called my sister and the police and then began calling all the hospitals. It was getting dark and we couldn’t find her. We endured an unspeakable nightmare of not knowing where she was for the entire night and most of the next day. We were in denial and I think that prevented us from being as proactive as we should have been. If a public announcement had been issued immediately things may have turned out differently.
A public announcement was not made until the next afternoon. Within 30 minutes of this TV news report mother's car was located on the other side of Birmingham in an area of town where she would never intentionally go. She had driven down a dead end road in a wooded area and gotten her car stuck in a ditch. The car was at such an angle that it wasn't possible for her to exit through the driver's door. She had almost made it out of the passenger's side and was laying on the ground next to her car. Her money and her fully charged cell phone were there in her purse. The cause of death is listed as complications of hypertensive cardiovascular disease, and the manner of death as natural, but that is not true. She died because she got disoriented and confused and help didn’t get to her in time. My mother was very careful not to get lost. In fact she always had a fear of getting lost and a reluctance to drive an unfamiliar route.
I have a vivid memory from my childhood, mother was driving home from my grandmother’s when a terrible thunderstorm came up and my mother pulled off the road and into a ditch. I remember this because my mother was afraid and she cried and then she prayed, we prayed together. Of course the storm passed and we made it safely home.
My mother believed in prayer. If I had a problem, she would always say just pray about it, just turn it over to the Lord. She had absolute faith in God. Even in the pit of despair, during that awful night, our family found comfort in the assurance that wherever mother was, her Lord was with her and this time, He took her safely home. I will see her sweet smile again some day. I miss her so much.
Along with my grief in loosing her is the sorrow in knowing that I was not there for her as she always was for me. It is such an empty sadness, like the last chapter in mother's life has been torn away and can never be made right. We feel guilty because she was driving, we should have taken better care of her, how long did she suffer ? What happened to her and how and why? We loved her so and wanted to be with her, wanted our love to surround her, wanted to say good bye.
My mother was never diagnosed with dementia nor did she have a history of heart disease. We had no idea she was having such difficulty.
Please be aware of subtle changes in elderly people, guard them and keep them safe. They are more vulnerable than you could ever imagine. Advocate for them by making sure that your state has a Silver Alert. A lost elderly person is in eminent danger. If not found within 24 hours, more than a half of them will not be found alive. This problem is increasing in our society, please be mindful of your elderly loved one
May 6, 1927 - August 27, 2010
