My gorgeous little boy Liam, i remember the day i found out i was going to have a little bundle of joy, it took me 10mins to walk up stairs and tell your daddy. We loved you from that very second it was the sort of love that can never be described.....
The day we saw you for the first time was one of the best days of our lifes, we both cried and the lady doing the scan said to us i wish more parents that came in here cry when they see baby for the first time. Our love for you Liam grew stronger every second! When i went to see the midwife she asked if i would like to hear your little heart beat and i jumped at the chance once again mammy cried daddy was so guuted he never heard your little heart beat! The day i found out i was having a little boy was amazzing it was so clear i couldnt believe that i had the most perfect little boy inside me i never wanted that day to end. We were so excited to meet you! Once again back at the midwife i jumped at the chance to hear your little heart i walked out of there the proudest i have ever been in my whole life. But little did i know the worst day of my life was just 3weeks away! i remember it like it was yesterday i hadnt felt you move and i knew there was something wrong but tried to make my self believe that you were just asleep, i rang the hospital and was told to go straight down me and daddy went down and prayed the whole way there that you were fine and you were just giving mammy and daddy a fright, we were met by the most nicest midwife ever, Shelia took us into a room and told us what was going to happen, she was going to put the heart monitor on my tummy so we could hear your heart beat! It felt like a life time, she picked up a heart beat but wasnt sure if it was mine! She then asked the doctor to come in and give me a scan, i couldnt see the screen so i just kept my eyes on daddy looking for the twinkle in his eye to say "YES HES FINE" but that twinkle never came i just screamed "NOOOOOOOOO hes got to be ok!!!!" i didnt want to believe that you my pride and joy had gone to heven, they tried to calm me down but nothing would work they tried to expalin that i had to take a tablet i dont know why i had to take it but i did thinking that if i took it it would bring you back. We were then told we had to go home and come back on the wednesday, the wednesday came and i was in total denial told the midwife and doctor that i had felt you move and i was just in hospital to prove everyone wrong! Doctor scaned me again and he really hurt me and all i could think that if hes hurting me then hes got to be really hurting you! i just wanted him to get off me and stop poking at you, i was then told alot more stuff but nothing would stick i kept asking if i had you would they be able to do any thing to bring you back to me? I kept getting told the same thing am sorry but theres nothing we can do it felt like my heart had been ripped out a million times over! Daddy kept saying were going to meet Liam soon but you werent ready! The next day was over so quick i still cant believe it, i woke up with pains in my back and buzzed the midwife in she gave me pain killers and said we'll start you on the gas and air then the next thing i knew i was having an eperdural which didnt work so mam had to have another one, this one worked mam fell asleep through this one, daddy went out to use the phone to tell granda it doesnt look like you were gonna be here any time soon, daddy just walked through the door and my waters broke but daddy just though mammy had wet her self silly daddy! About 2 to 3 hours later you were born my gorgeous baby boy was here all mammy could do was cry... They took you away to be cleaned and check you over and brought my pride and joy back and i just held you, i didnt ever want to let you go daddy ran out to tell both nanas and grate nana and granda that you were here i didnt care about anyone just you.. Everyone came in to meet you and i just wanted them to leave us alone i just wanted it to be me you and daddy... We asked the rev Pat to come in as we wanted you to be christend she read a lovely poem out which had us all in tears, then it was time for everyone to go home, at last me and daddy had you all to our selfs i couldnt get any more proud than i was at that time. We made sure we had loads of photos of you, from that day till the day we left the hospital you never left my side i wouldnt let you out my sight. It killed me leaving you that the hospital i only hope they took the best care of you that they could!?! We came back and seen you darling and you didnt change one bit, once again it was time to go home and it broke my heart all over again!! We had to arrange your send of i wanted to give you the best send off i could ever give you, we picked a lovely white casket to show how pure you are, i wanted you to come home and see where you would have lived with mammy and daddy but were told you couldnt come home until the day before your send off, i remember on the sunday before you came home i was so excited to see and kiss you again i never slept at all kept looking out the window looking for you as i knew it wouldnt be long before you came home. About 8 o'clock in the morning we got the phone call we had been waitting on Liam is coming home in the next hour i couldnt be more excited.... When you came through the door i just couldnt wait to just kiss you, the minister came and i'll never forget our convosation he said to me forgive me if you think am out of order but you dont look like you have just lost your child! i just said to him its because i feel like a normal mother i have my baby next to me who is a sleep! We asked him to read your poem out to everyone as it touched us so much we wanted everyone to hear it and as he was reading through he had to stop as he was filling up himself. The day came where i had to say goodbye and i felt like my heart had been ripped out again, it came to taking you out to the car everyone stood and stared, the drive up to the crem was horrible people in there cars stared too we arrived at the crem and i couldnt get out the car i didnt want to say goodbye as i wasnt ready and i knew you werent ready to go up to heaven but i had to do it for you... we walked in to the song "always on my mind" which you are! All through the service i just couldnt take my eyes off you then it was time to close the curtain i just wanted to scream NOOOOOO!!!!!! and run up to you and give you the biggest kiss ever but i couldnt move, the curtain was closed and all i could think am the worst mother ever to let them horrible people to that to my baby, we sat and listen to YOUR song "tears in heaven" i just didnt want to move hoping you would just come running from behind the curtain shouting MAMMY dont leave me!!!! Everyone followed daddy and i out said there were so sorry and it was a lovely send off but i couldnt get the thought that i was the worst mother in the whole world out of my head! The nicest part of that day was that you had touched the lives fo your midwifes so much that they turned up to make sure you had a lovely send off that made mammy and daddy so proud to know that you were such a special little boy! Every day after that Liam has been the worst days of my life more so now, we would be getting ready for your arrivel any day now.... We need you to know that your our pride and joy and we'll always love you and cant wait until the day we meet you again. Theres not one second that goes by that were not thinking of you darling. Sleep tight gorgeous your with the angels now, god only takes the best your are far to good for this world darling Mammy and Daddy love you always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx | 
