Granny,
You finally made it home...
I feel so lost I have literally run circles in my home, and through my mind. I cannot believe you and my Pa Pa are finally reunited, yet gone. I never had a Mom, only a woman that is my Mother. A Mother that for some reason decided to give birth, and then give up. Then of course there was Carolyn; and well you always told me if I can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all...so I leave it at that.
You were the only Mother figure I ever had, and the only bona fide lady I ever met. A woman who has only lain in the arms of one man. The man she was courted by, married to, and then had children with. A man she supported yet handled... and "Red" E.L. Reel as we know was always the one in charge, never to backed down from anything/ anybody, but handled by such a soft spoken, beautiful, reserved lady. One who rarely cussed, and never left the house without a matching bag and shoes. You always carried yourself gracefully, were worldly, and traveled the globe from one end to the other with your husband; however your naiveté, your pristine innocence was almost comical. Let me elaborate; as I am not faulting you. You grew up in a time where people were good, and life was pleasant.... where you could trust your neighbors and honored your parents. As our world changed around you; you never changed for it. I to this day have never met another woman of your stature. Not one whom even ran a close second.
You took me places, showed me things, listened to me, were there, when no one else was, and you always accepted my phone calls. I can honestly, without apprehension say I never doubted the love you had for me was unconditional. NEVER! I wish your presence I would have inspired in and not reveled. Not one thing about your person, your disposition, and the life you lived I could flaw. Not one! Not in my eyes. I have finally come to see you as a beacon of influence, and no longer wish to revel in your essence. I can only hope that you can one day you will look upon me from where ever you are, and be proud of the woman I am. I only wish you could have laid prideful eyes upon me before you left, but..... Too little.....
I hope in your heart that you know I did not give up on, forget about, or lose my love for my precious Granny. I thought of you every day and longed for the sound of your voice. To listen to one of your stories... again or to be told how my intellect was unmatched yet my common sense was lost along the way. I missed watching court T.V. and seeing/ hearing your disbelief in how people live in my day and time, watching Jeopardy, and of course sitting on the edge of my seat with you as Kobe threw up a clutch shot in double overtime. Never was there one day you were not in my mind, my heart, my soul.... Circumstance out of ours, or anyone else’s control brought distance and loss of communication... Never was it intentional or desired.... I prayed everyday that you knew this, and can only hope if you thought different that God will fill your heart, and ease you mind and illuminate your soul with my true feelings and the love l have for you.
I guess now I have to say goodbye, let you go, and accept you are happy and in a better place. No longer lonely, confused, or in pain. I will think about you every day; as I do my Pa Pa. Hopefully you will be in my dreams, at the track, betting on horses, sitting beside my Pa Pa Red. See you soon! Until then... I hold you in my memory and close to my heart.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
April
