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By Linda
location
Kuwait
relationship
Church member
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signed 13 May 2008 by Linda |
email author
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My dear Giselle,
As the Lord flows through me into this e-mail I will just write and see what comes forth.
The Lord's eyes are on His children and is searching the earth to see whom He will strengthen. Its comforting that Father God knows the areas in my life that need to be strengthened and sanctified and brought into allignment with His perfect will.
I always thought I had a lot of faith perhaps due to my natural tendency to be optimistic in life. I realise that optimism is not to be mixed up with rock like faith which cannot be shaken.
From my experience through the year of Dad's last illness, his death, the legalities and many details to be seen to, I saw God's wisdom and faithfulness worked out. I also saw my frailty, both physical, emotional and spiritual.
I believe He sometimes withdraws His tangible Presence for a time though He is very much there. This is so we understand and see our complete hopelessness without Him, the Vine. The branch is so useless on its own strength. For a time it may look fine but gradually it will wither and become lifeless.
Though I understood with my mind that God is faithful, and yes, there were testimonies to prove that, somewhere I found there was a gap in my faith, deep down. That really shook me up. This is what God revealed to me, so I could just come to Him with all my weakness and darkness. Without faith we can never, ever please God. Unbelief is grievous sin against God.
I thank God that He is our great High Priest and is moved by our infirmities. (Hebrews 4) He is so patient and I experienced His tender loving ways during this time of 'spiritual convalescence'. Though, I might say, I was also suffering from a collapsed disc which I was later told would need an operation. Added to this, I was facing an emotional drain, deep sadness and guilt.
Psalm 23 says though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death we will fear no evil. It was a type of dismal valley experience for me. I praise God I didn't camp there but passed through it. At the time we feel we will never see the light in the tunnel but joy does come in the morning. This period was around three months. I might add, I never allowed myself to sink low into any form of depression. God saw to that. I attended church though at the time I was not happy in the place where I was worshipping but gave of myself in whatever way I could to those around me. I believe God did honour those small efforts. He sent people to encourage me through words of knowledge and to pray for my healing. Today I am healed and didn't need an operation. God used a young physiotherapist in the church to come and show me some exercises. Though I had gone for 16 sessions of physiotherapy in two hospitals by that time, it was just a temporary relief. This lady showed me some exercises that put me onto the road of recovery. Twice after that, while I was praying and worshipping, I heard a loud cracking noise and knew my back was being healed. Praise the Lord for this time in the desert.
Father God desires us to just trust His plan and love for us. His thoughts are never ours neither are His ways. So often we tend to put God in a box and keep Him there. Strange but so true!
I know God is still working in me and removing flaws and wrinkles that only He sees. I know a miracle has taken place in me. There is a closeness that I didn't have before with the Father and a Love for the Lord that is now my treasure. He has done it all. He has brought me out into a spacious place. I am now worshipping in a wonderful church family and growing in a deeper understanding of His Word and Will for my life.
Being the eldest, I have often been ambitious to have things done perfectly and in the way I would have it! (I guess that's the truth.) I would have liked my father to have lived a bit longer with us and to even walk again. I tried to organise it all. But God was gently and patiently preparing me. Thank God for His higher plan in our lives. Mom and I did surrender Dad to the Lord, two days before he passed away. However, Death always takes one by surprise and is often rude in its sudden arrival in our lives. But God is truly in charge and reigns over all. He is the Author and Finisher of our lives and knows best.
Oh for a greater faith and trust in Him!
God is in the house of the mourning! He is our Comforter! I believe as we 'mourn' for a closer walk with Jesus He will truly bring it to pass.
With love and may His real blessings be poured over you and your precious family, Giselle,
Your friend,
Linda
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